


I Didn't Want to Hurt You

by flowing_river, JustAnotherWriter (N1ghtshade)



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Gunshot Wounds, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, Medical Inaccuracies, Medical Procedures, Past Torture, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 09:01:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23348842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowing_river/pseuds/flowing_river, https://archiveofourown.org/users/N1ghtshade/pseuds/JustAnotherWriter
Summary: Jack’s job is to keep Mac from getting hurt. But it’s not so easy to decide what that means when the only way to save Mac’s life is to cause him more pain.
Relationships: Jack Dalton & Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016)
Comments: 33
Kudos: 119





	I Didn't Want to Hurt You

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!! We both hope everyone is doing well in this difficult time and we hope you enjoy this!!!

Jack shoves open the door of the abandoned house, clearing it carefully. No corner is left unsearched, no half-hanging off its hinges door is left unchecked. He peers around corner after corner, leading with his gun. No sense in being recaptured by the same rebels they just escaped yesterday.

Finally he’s assured himself that the house is safe, for the time being. He’s already established the room that gives him the best view of the only road leading in their direction; he’ll have a decent amount of warning before any vehicles come their way. 

He steps outside again, into the trees. 

“Mac,” he whispers quietly. “We’re clear.”

There’s no answer, and Jack frowns. He plunges deeper into the undergrowth until he finds the place he left Mac tucked up behind the broken trunk of a fallen tree.

Mac looks like he’s sleeping, but not peacefully. His cheeks are flushed with fever and his whole body is shaking. Jack doesn’t dare touch him in this state. Mac has too much trauma and too many bad memories.

Instead, Jack kneels beside him. “Hey kiddo.” Mac doesn’t move, just curls up a little tighter and then groans. Jack grimaces. The kid’s bullet wound must be hurting pretty bad. It’s the reason they’re in so much trouble after all. 

He’s surprised Mac got this far at all. His leg must be killing him. It was already infected when they broke out of that dump they were being held in, and without the proper medical treatment, it’s gotten worse. Mac says he thinks the bullet took a chunk of his pantleg with it, and that’s why the infection is so bad now. 

They have to do something about it and soon. Jack knows they’re in the middle of nowhere, and he has no way to contact exfil. He doesn’t have a phone, and neither does Mac, and the rebels have cut all the phone lines in the area. He’ll figure out a way to contact Phoenix after he makes sure Mac won’t die in the meantime. 

“Mac, kiddo, we gotta go.” He looks up at the sky. He’s sort of glad that that rumble is thunder and not gunfire, but it does mean that the weather is about to get a lot worse. He can’t leave Mac out in that, not in this condition. He’s already running a fever, a bad one. Jack can feel it from here.

Finally, Mac stirs, blinking at him with fever-bright eyes. “Jack?”

“Yeah, bud, you ready to go? I found us a house.”

Mac groans and manages a nod. Jack helps him stand up and practically carries him into the house, to the room he picked out earlier. Mac is burning up with fever and still violently shivering.

“Jack?” Mac asks again.

“I’m here, kid,” Jack says, he suspects that Mac has a concussion from where one of the rebels hit Mac on the head and the fever and blood loss are only making Mac’s confusion worse.

He gently helps Mac lay down on the bed and brushes the sweaty hair off of his forehead. He cuts away the fabric near Mac’s bullet wound with a Mac’s SAK which he managed to grab while they escaped.

He examines the bullet wound and confirms what he already suspected. The wound has mostly stopped bleeding, but he has to take the bullet and the piece of Mac’s pant that the bullet took with it out.

It’s not the first time Jack has performed a field surgery in less than ideal situations, but that doesn’t make this any less nerve racking. Jack knows he’ll be lucky to find supplies to get the bullet out, but he knows he has to find a way to do it. Mac’s life depends on it.

Mac hasn’t moved much since Jack lay him down, just tracking his movements with his eyes.

“I’ll be right back, kiddo. I need to find a few things.”

It takes a few seconds for Mac to process his words and when he does, he nods.

“Stay awake,” Jack says before running to the bathroom, where he’s most likely to find a first aid kit.

After running through the whole house, Jack manages to find a decent amount of supplies. He finds a sewing kit, lots of gauze, a bottle of hydrogen peroxide, some hand sanitizer, and he has Mac’s SAK too. The only thing he can’t find is pain killers. He searches the whole house, but he can’t even find a bottle of Advil.

Jack already feels guilty about what he has to do. He knows that this is going to be incredibly painful for Mac and he had hoped that he would find some sort of pain relief for Mac. He should have known that Mac would never have been that lucky.

He grabs everything he found and brings it back to the room Mac is lying down in. Mac is thankfully awake and he’s staring at the door in desperation. Jack suddenly has a terrible thought that Mac had been thinking that Jack had left him lying there, bleeding a bit and slowly dying of the infection. He hopes it isn’t true, but by the way Mac’s face lights up and his look of relief when Mac sees him, Jack knows Mac had started thinking he left him behind.

_ It must be the injury and concussion confusing him. At least I hope it was that. _

“How you holdin’ up, kiddo?” He asks, more for the sake of keeping up some level of normal conversation than actually wondering. Mac’s pale, sweaty face has told him all he needs to know.

Mac shrugs weakly.

“I think I got everything we need.” Jack starts holding up the supplies he’s found, making sure Mac approves. He’s done field surgery before, he doesn’t  _ need _ Mac to tell him he has the right things, but he knows it will make Mac feel better to see everything he’s using. Mac doesn’t do well with medical procedures of any kind at the best of times, and when he’s half out of it, it’s going to be worse than usual. Jack doesn’t want to surprise him.

He can tell Mac is looking for more even once Jack has gotten to the end of the pile of supplies. 

“Yeah, sorry, bud. I can’t find painkillers. Not even any alcohol.” Cleaning wounds with whiskey is an old Texas tale, but Jack  _ has _ found that a stiff drink can help take the edge off when he’s facing something that’s going to hurt and there’s nothing else to help. But he can’t even offer Mac that.

“I’m gonna need to start as soon as I can, alright?” They can’t risk waiting longer and letting the infection get worse, and besides, Jack needs the daylight to work. This house doesn’t have functioning electricity. He checked. And even if it did, turning on a light once the sun goes down would draw the rebels right to them. 

Mac nods in understanding, biting his lip, then shivering. Jack frowns. It’s not that cold, Mac’s fever is probably causing a chill. He needs to get this done quickly.

But there’s still one thing left to do. He holds up the last item he found, some pieces of clothing that were left hanging in a closet when the house was abandoned. 

“Mac, I’m gonna have to tie you down, okay? I can’t...I can’t do this if you’re moving around.” Mac nods again, swallowing hard. Jack knows the kid doesn’t like being restrained. He’s been in all too many bad situations where being tied up has meant torture. But Jack can’t think of another way to do this short of knocking Mac out somehow. And unlike Mac, he doesn’t trust himself to whip up an anesthetic out of kitchen supplies. He also doesn’t want to just knock the kid out. Mac probably has a concussion already, and Jack can’t be responsible for making a head injury worse. He can’t risk that with Mac.

He hopes the kid will pass out once he gets started. But if he doesn’t, he’ll probably start fighting. Given the combination of the rising fever, the concussion, and the pain, Mac will most likely forget where he is and what’s happening and start trying to get away on instinct. 

Jack tears the sleeves off of the shirts he’s found and uses them to secure Mac’s arms and legs to the bedstead. He tries to make the bonds as gentle as he can, knowing that when Mac starts fighting, and he  _ will _ , he’ll probably rub his wrists raw, even though Jack picked out the softest cloth he could find. Still, he can’t have them so loose that Mac can slip his arms or feet out.

The trust in Mac’s eyes kills him as he finishes tying off the last knots.  _ He wouldn’t let anyone else do this. _ Not after what happened with Murdoc in that awful underground room. Mac’s been afraid of being restrained ever since. When he woke up in the medical wing once with a soft cuff on his wrist to stop him from pulling an IV out, he panicked. Jack gently rests a hand on Mac’s shoulder before sliding off the bed and starting to arrange his supplies. 

“It’s going to be okay,” He says, even though he can’t promise that. 

Mac just nods, then closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths. Jack can feel him trying to relax, so this hurts less. He’ll be as quick as he can. He rolls up the extra piece of one shirt and holds it up. “Gonna tuck this in your mouth to bite down on, okay?” Mac nods, and Jack does it as gently as he can. 

He sterilizes the knife blade and the pliers on Mac’s SAK, both of which he’s going to need. He gently inspects the wound, trying not to touch it, but he has to see where the bullet is and how deep. 

He forces himself not to flinch when Mac gasps as Jack gently touches the swollen area around the wound. He’s going to have to pretend he can’t hear what Mac is doing, that he can’t feel the muscles tensing under his hands. He’s considered rolling up some scrap cloth to put in his ears, but he’d like to be able to hear approaching vehicles. Not that he can hear much anyway over the now persistent drumming of rain on the roof. 

“You ready, kiddo?” Jack asks, he knows that Mac will never really be ready for something like this, but he just wants to make sure he doesn’t catch Mac by surprise.

Mac nods and takes a few deep breaths, trying to relax his muscles.

Jack picks up Mac’s SAK and pushes down his instinct to protect Mac and not cause him more pain.

He puts one hand down on the bed and then starts cutting into Mac’s leg to try and open up the wound enough to reach the bullet with the pliers. Mac groans, immediately starting to thrash and fight. Jack tries to rest a reassuring hand on Mac’s leg to try and keep him calm, but Mac cringes away from the touch. Jack moves his hand away and tries to ignore Mac’s cries of pain as he continues cutting into the wound. It doesn’t work.

He’s been through enough training to ignore sounds of pain and focus on the mission, but he can’t help but wince at Mac’s slightly muffled screams of pain. He knows the kid must be in absolute agony for him to sound like that. 

Mac was scarily good at staying quiet throughout all sorts of pain. He’s seen him staying quiet while being tortured before and Mac didn’t even make a noise when he was shot. He knows that the injury and concussion are contributing to the fact that Mac isn’t holding back in his screams and that just makes him feel even worse about how much pain he’s putting Mac through.

_ It’s to save his life, I have to keep doing this. _

But that doesn’t make him feel any less guilty about what he’s doing. He grimaces at the sight of the swollen, bloodied area around the wound. The bullet isn’t in too deep, thankfully, but the reason it’s not is worrying. Mac was hit when the shot came through a wall between them. A wall covered in grime, that along with Mac’s filthy pant leg, has gotten into that wound. Jack hopes the small amount of liquid left in the bottle of medical solution hydrogen peroxide is enough to clean it.

He opens the pliers and reaches for Mac’s leg. But Mac gasps, coughing and sobbing. The rag in his mouth falls out and Jack can hear his words now, without the muffling. 

“No, stop, please.” 

“Mac, I have to.” Jack swallows, trying not to cry himself. 

“Jack, help me.” 

_ He doesn’t know what’s happening. _ Jack feels the painful jolt of realization. Mac is lost in some kind of fever dream or hallucination or flashback, Jack can’t tell what. But clearly Mac doesn’t realize it’s Jack who’s hurting him.

Jack’s not sure if that’s worse or better.  _ He has such a complete trust in me that he doesn’t think I’d do this. He thinks this is someone else. _ But Jack is also sure that Mac thinks he’s being tortured.  _ How bad must this hurt? _ Jack’s had to get more than one bullet taken out himself, sometimes without anesthetic either. But he doesn’t remember the last time. He can’t remember how much it hurts. But the agony on Mac’s face is all too telling. 

“Please, make them stop! Jack!” Mac sobs.

“Mac, it’ll be over soon. I promise.” Jack has a grip on the bullet now, and he carefully pulls it out, holding Mac’s leg down as firmly as he can manage. He doesn’t want to mess this up now.

“No, please, no, no, please.” Mac gasps. “I don’t know...I don’t know what you want, just stop, I don’t  _ know!”  _ The last word is a drawn out wail of pain. 

Jack does stop. He drops the bullet onto the bedside table, where the light clatter as it hits seems too small for the devastation it’s done. This isn’t finished yet. The cloth is still in the wound, and Jack still has to clean it. But...he has to try and reassure Mac first.

He sits down on the edge of the bed and cards his cleaner hand through Mac’s dirty hair; he’ll have to wash again but Mac needs the comfort. 

Instead of leaning into the touch Mac pulls away, gasping. “No, no, please, no.” Jack frowns. “Please, don’t.” Mac tries to curl up and sobs harder when he can’t pull free of the restraints. “No, please, no, don’t touch me. Leave me alone. Please, no. Jack, help me!” 

“Kiddo, I’m right here, it’s just me.”

“Get me out of here please, Jack.” Mac turns wide, fever-bright eyes to him. “Before he comes back you have to get me out.”

“Mac, there’s no one here but us.” Jack tries to reassure him. 

“No, no, he just left, he’s coming back.” Mac whispers. “He tied me up and left me here. Please get me out. Jack, please, untie me.”

“Mac, I can’t do that.” Jack knows that if Mac moves more now, he could do even more damage to the wound. “It’s just for a little longer.”

“No, please don’t leave me with him. Jack, please, no.” Mac’s eyes are pleading, tears streaming down his cheeks. “Please. Don’t leave me here.” Jack bites his lip. Mac isn’t aware of what’s happening, and anything Jack does won’t make sense.  _ He thinks I’m going to leave him with someone who’s hurting him, and there’s no way to convince him that’s not what’s happening, because he doesn’t realize what I’m saying. _

“Mac, I promise, this is going to be over soon.” 

“I can get us both out. I won’t slow you down. He won’t catch us.” Mac says desperately. 

Jack sighs. There’s nothing he can say to Mac that will make this better. He has to finish the removal and close the wound and untie Mac before the kid will calm down. 

“I’m comin’ right back.” It’s the most reassurance he can give. 

“No. Jack, please!” Mac cries, his voice raw, when Jack stands up. “Don’t leave me!”

Jack picks up the knife, pulls out the tweezers (by some miracle Mac still has them in this knife, he lost them at least three other times) and sterilizes them too.

When he reaches into the wound for the scrap of cloth he can see, dark against the flesh, Mac  _ screams, _ a drawn out wail of misery and fear and hopelessness.  _ He thinks I abandoned him to whoever he’s imagined is torturing him.  _

“No, Murdoc, please.”

Jack’s heart stops. Of all the monsters who could have invaded Mac’s head right now, this is by far the worst. 

“Jack, please, come  _ back. _ ” Mac’s voice cracks and shatters and dies away into gasping whimpered sobs. 

Jack pulls out the piece of cloth with a shudder, matches it to the bullet on the table, and once he’s sure that he has every piece that went into the wound, lifts the bottle of peroxide. It’s not the best but it’s better than nothing, and he can wash the wound again with salt water afterward. He just wants to get the infection out, or at least as much as he can. 

He hopes Mac will pass out. He’s been hoping that would happen the whole time. But they apparently can never be so fortunate. 

He gives Mac a few seconds, despite how much he wants to finish this as fast as possible because he  _ knows _ that he won’t be able to pull Mac out of his flashback mixed with hallucinations from the fever and blood loss until he’s done. He decides to quickly run to the kitchen to get some water and mix it with salt for afterward. 

He opens the bottle when he gets back and pours the hydrogen peroxide into the wound. Mac arches his back and screams, an ear piercing and desperate scream, full of agony.

“No, no, please stop, Murdoc, please!” Mac begs, “It hurts, please, it hurts so much! Jack, Jack! Please come back!”

Jack knows that he’s crying now, he’s the one putting Mac through so much pain, he’s why Mac thinks Murdoc is torturing him, he’s why Mac thinks Jack abandoned him.

_ It was all to save Mac’s life. _

But that thought doesn’t make him feel any better about what he did. 

He tries to ignore Mac’s cries of pain while he continues flushing out the wound with the peroxide, then the salt water.

_ Think it’s someone else you’re doing the surgery on. It’s not Mac, it’s not him. Just someone you have to clean a wound out for and stitch them up. That’s all you have to do. _

It doesn’t help much, and he can’t ignore the fact that it’s  _ Mac _ he’s hurting, but he knows he can’t stop now. He has to finish flushing out the wound and then stitch up the wound.

It only takes a minute or so to finish flushing out the wound. After he’s done with that, he grabs the sewing kit and sterilizes everything before preparing to stitch up the wound.

Mac is silent now during the small break he’s getting during the time Jack is preparing to stitch him up, but Jack knows this won’t last. It’s going to be hard to stitch Mac up with how much he’s been struggling and fighting him.

When he’s ready to stitch the wound up, Jack holds Mac’s leg down with one hand. Mac immediately starts struggling again.

“Jack! Please come back, please help me! Don’t leave me here, I’m sorry. Please save me, Jack! Please.”

Jack’s heart breaks all over again and Mac thrashes and screams and begs as he stitches up the bullet wound as quickly and efficiently as he can. He tries to zone out the cries, but he can’t. Mac is in so much pain and every instinct in him is begging him to help Mac and stop hurting him.

It takes him a few minutes that feel like hours for him to finish stitching up the wound. Mac is still screaming and begging despite how hoarse his voice has become. And one look at Mac’s face reveals that Mac’s been crying, most likely this whole time. His face is still flushed with fever and his eyes are red and seem to be looking at something he can’t see.

“Please Murdoc,” he croaks out, “No more, I can’t take anymore.”

“I know, kiddo.” Jack doesn’t say it loud enough for Mac to hear, most likely. He doesn’t think he can, his voice is choked with his own tears.

He carefully wraps the wound and stabilizes that part of Mac’s leg with a makeshift brace, just enough that the kid can’t do too much damage to his stitches. He finishes, and then cleans his hands and sits down next to Mac on the bed. 

Mac has stopped pleading, and is only silently sobbing now. The cloth around his face is soaked with tears, and Jack frowns. With the fever, Mac will already be dehydrated. He can’t afford to lose too much water.

He fills a glass in the kitchen, mixing in just a little salt to make sure Mac’s body gets the electrolytes it needs. He grins at the memory of Mac explaining to him that yes electrolytes does mean things that conduct electricity and that yes some things in the human body do in fact need electricity.  _ I wish he was coherent enough to go off on one of his science rambles now. _

Jack comes back with the water and sets it down on the bedside table, he doesn’t dare give it to Mac until he’s sure Mac is mostly conscious and won’t choke on it. Besides, in the state he’s in, Mac might just assume this is more torture. Jack doesn’t want to make him think he’s being waterboarded. The kid has too many bad memories of things like that already. 

“Hey, Mac, are you with me?”

There’s no response, just a soft moan and more sobs. Mac frowns, his forehead crinkling. Jack sighs, afraid to touch him. He wonders how lost Mac still is in his nightmares.

“Mac, it’s me. It’s Jack. I’m done, okay?”

Mac doesn’t move. He just lays there, shaking. 

Jack sighs. He’ll sit here as long as he needs to. The rain drums on the roof and the shadows darken. The road outside is still dark, no one is driving. They’re safe for the moment. So he can sit and wait for Mac. He digs out what looks like a destroyed and partially disassembled radio in the kitchen and starts working on it, it’s something to keep him busy.

Eventually, Mac blinks his eyes open. It’s hard to tell in the dark, but it looks like they’re a little clearer than they were before, and his face looks less flushed.

“Hey, kiddo, you with me?” Jack asks.

“Jack?” Mac’s voice is hoarse from the screaming and pleading, but at least he’s aware he’s talking to Jack.

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“J...Mac starts to move toward him, then stops, tugging at where the cloth is still tied around his wrists. “What...why am I tied up?”

“I had to take a bullet out of your leg. Can you hold still now?” Jack asks. 

Mac nods.

“Then I guess it’s okay to untie you.” Jack undoes the cloth, grimacing at the raw spots on Mac’s wrists and ankles where the material chafed.  _ I’m so sorry kiddo. I didn’t mean to have to hurt you more. _ “I’m gonna see if I can find a way to get in touch with exfil. The phone lines are down, but there’s an old radio I found. Figure you might be able to do more with it than I can.” Jack’s got most of the pieces in an assembly that should work, but they need a power source. Mac will probably be able to figure that out. 

“Did you...is he gone?” Mac asks.

“Who?” Jack says out of force of habit, before the whole thing clicks in his head. 

“Murdoc, he was here, where is he?” Mac whispers. 

_ Guess the fever’s still messing with him some. _

“He was never here, kiddo. I just had to get that bullet out. I know I hurt you, and I’m sorry.”

“But he was torturing me,” Mac whispers. 

“He wasn’t.” Jack says gently.

“But it hurt so much. You wouldn’t hurt me,” Mac says, and the childlike trust breaks Jack’s heart.

“There was no other way. It was infected. You could have died.” Jack gently brushes Mac’s sweaty hair out of his eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

Mac looks at him, still with so much trust in his eye, “Thank you, Jack.”

Whatever Jack expected Mac to say, it was definitely not that.

“I-I’m sorry, kiddo. I hurt you so much. Why are you thanking me?”

“You saved my life, even though I know it must have hurt you to do so, you still saved me.”

Mac lifts his hand and weakly tries to grab Jack’s hand. Jack grasps his hand, he knows that despite Mac’s reassurances, Mac is still scared. He’s still slightly shaking and Jack isn’t sure that it’s because of the fever Mac still has. 

He clamps down on his own guilt right now, he knows all that’s going to do is make Mac find some way to put the blame on himself. He’s sure that Mac is already blaming himself for getting hurt and slowing them down.

“Hey kiddo, you okay?” he asks.

“I-Murdoc…”

“I won’t let him hurt you, he’s not here, he never was.”

“I know,” Mac says, “But it felt like he was and I was so scared Jack and I thought you had left me…”

“I would never leave you Mac, never. And especially not with that monster.”

Mac smiles at him and Jack just grasps his hand.

“Here,” Jack hands Mac the slightly mangled radio, he knows it’ll make a good distraction to Mac, “Can you figure something out with this?”

Mac lets go of his hand and immediately starts tinkering with the radio. He reaches for his pocket and then freezes when he realizes he doesn’t have his SAK.

“Here,” Jack says, handing him his knife which he made sure to clean off all the blood from earlier.

Mac smiles at him again and grabs the knife and tinkers with the radio for a few more minutes before saying, “I got it working, but I don’t know for how long.”

Jack takes the radio from him and tunes it to the frequency he knows Phoenix runs on, “Hello?” he says.

He keeps talking into the radio for a little while before someone finally replies and tells them that their location was traced through the radio and exfil and a medical team were on the way after Jack quickly explains the situation.

“We’re going home, kid,” he tells Mac, “And I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

“Thank you, Jack. For everything you did.”

“Anytime, kid. Anytime.”

**Author's Note:**

> Let us know what you think of this!!


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